pride, possession, and something about karma

bigbro and i were speaking long ago about his bearing of the burdens of a rather wealthy other, and the stress connected with being instrumental in attending to this person's freedom from the darkness that had dogged his every step...





I've learned that a man can shed his demons and there is a really good feeling of freedom that comes with that shedding, but there is also a loneliness, because those demons were all the guy had for company for a long time......bigbro aka fred call

taking on the demons of another? some heavy sledding there.
two things:

1) the demons don't want to leave, and

2) their hosts are usually terrified of the hole that will be left. a friend of mine was telling me about how he quit music altogether after going through rehab because he was terrified of what would happen if he stepped onstage straight and tried to do what he does better than anything in the world without the usual buffers. it's been four years now...

anyway, it's true; prosperity and loneliness seem to be together a lot.
the story of king midas comes to mind...

and so bigbro continued:
As for Z: He had money. He had demons. Then he realized he couldn't buy his demons off with money. He really didn't want to live. I think he wanted to beat his bad karma before he died, so he didn't have to take it with him. My instincts say he had a better chance of taking his money with him than he had of taking better karma with him. In the final analysis, it was his decision how to go. That he's gone, I think he's happier. I just hope he managed to shed the bad assed karma that gave him cancer in the first place. Otherwise, he's got to go through chemo again in the next go round.

could the whole deathwish thing be inherent in our preoccupation with ourselves? navel-gazing spiritual beings finding themselves relegated by their behaviour and the attitudes or perspectives that give life to that behaviour into something less than was originally intended? even though we fear death and the uncertainty that it holds for anyone in search of hard facts, we still feel more comfortable with despair than with hope because this allows us to essentially remain the same, being ever victimized by things beyond our apparent control in the process..

as i read about bigbro's wealthy friend, i was reminded of something i had read just the day before... i love those nexus moments where things just appear to randomly connect and to inform each other... what we do with those connections is another affair, but i think if we can at least recognize them when they come together there has to be some benefit.

"God, in his power, drags away the rich. They may rise high, but they have no assurance in life. They may be allowed to live in security, but God is always watching them. And though they are great now, in a moment they will be gone like all others, withered like heads of grain. "Can anyone claim otherwise? Who can prove me wrong?" (job 24.22-24, NLT)

i remember being told once -probably back in bible school- that job is arguably the oldest book (or at least the oldest story) in the bible apart from the creation narratives themselves and the stuff about the adams family ('adam' meaning 'son of dirt' or 'first man') ... all this to say that, in my view, apparently the whole notion of wealth and the basic disparity of the human race has been with us for awhile.

and so in what ring of dante's hell was the rich man standing when he begged michael to send lazarus down with a drop of water for his tongue? and why in the hell did he think that it was the poor man's job to serve him beverages?

in sri lanka, august of 2005, clues as to an answer for this second query came in through the back door.

traditionally the sri lankans are a hospitality culture, offering preferential treatment to anyone who arrives at their door having journeyed long- they are still that way, even while in the throes of a twenty-five year old civil war. one day we arrived at this guy's place, having traveled for about 6 hours or so in a van with no air-conditioning. he greeted us warmly (although he was surprisingly more aware of the fact that, due to spot checks and road conditions, we were arriving two hours late than we had expected him to be) and proceeded to draw a bucket of water from the family well (only about 3 feet of water in it at the time) for us to wash our hands before he then washed our feet with the remainder of the water. he would not allow us to share a bucket- a new one had to be drawn for each guest.

now in my western oh-no-not-me-i'm-so-unimportant vanity, this would have been awkward and there would have been this graceless non-receiving of a kindness offered that probably would have led to pain, as this man would be left pondering a cultural question:
'what have i or my family done, that you would not accept this humble kindness from us?'

however, having been there nearly two weeks already and therefore used to hospitality by then, i just said thank you.

see, whether it's having this sick entitlement thing that presumes some form of dominion over another, or having this nauseating false humility thing that refuses to allow another the freedom to give selflessly, it seems to me that the main problem- the swelling that makes the camel far too large for the needle's eye- is humankind's inability to get over itself.

i think that that's probably the bad-assed karma of which bigbro spoke. like edgar alan poe's imp of the perverse, it drives us to to self destruction through the destruction of others. as a species, we're really good at putting ourselves first and attributing our selfishness to natural selection or something. it's how we got here and it's how we'll ultimately leave.

the apostle paul said that 'the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ.'

okay, now i'm not being one of job's buddies here, providing some pretty hollow words of explanation as to why bad things happen to good people. (in truth, i think that the problem is that there aren't actually any good people... now there's an encouraging topic for a whole nother blog) i'm simply suggesting that if we want some answers as to the pain that assails us all- not the physically or emotionally detailed, circumstancial, case-sensitive pain of an individual, but that pain which systematically dismantles us while defining us as one people, one race, one species- we probably don't have to look very far.

unfortunately, as long as we continue to preoccupy ourselves with ourselves, i think that we're stuck with it for awhile longer.

like a record

dans_inferno said...
...Seems as though I've got procrastinating readers finally dusting off their copies of Dante's Divine Comedies, particularly the Inferno. Some days it feels good to feel like an English Lit professor.

and then he promptly disappeared after five posts, leaving me (and maybe others- who can say?) on my own to read 'inferno' without anyone but virgil and the translater/commentator to take me through.

i did, in any event, make it to the other side with the help of alice cooper.

'inferno' was a great read. however, because of the kind of twitching brain i have, i found it important and useful to have music on that would set the tone for the journey. call it 'method reading' or whatever.

so here is my listening list (please- in completely random order!) for anybody other than me who finds reading part 1 of dante's magnum opus a bit too- er- poetic for their 21st century adhdMtv aesthetic to stay with for any length of time without some set and setting:

***
alice cooper: 'goes to hell'- amazing parallel journey

rick wakeman: 'lisztomania'- classical electronica circa 1975 (soundtrack featuring vox from roger who?)

deep purple: (self-titled) just stare at the album cover for sixty seconds before reading the book and then watch the images appear on the page behind the printed words.

vangelis: 'heaven and hell'- it actually all works for 'inferno'... (definately NOT 'chariots of fire!') can't really imagine listening to this and reading dante's third book.

genesis: 'the lamb lies down on broadway'- peter gabriel's nightmarish journey of a character named rael, bearing some comparisons (note: the album notes are almost as long as dante's work, but they don't have all that rhyming that makes the translated sentences of dante hard to follow sometimes)

andrew lloyd webber: 'requiem'- a very young sarah brightman and a rather old placido domingo's contributions to this album are collectively mentioned in an old elvis costello song.

david sylvian: 'plight and premonition'- tuning radios, cycling tape loops and creating some breathtaking ambience

black sabbath: 'master of reality'(although sabbatoge also works) ozzy at his most coherent!

ginger baker: 'middle passage'- ecclectic percussive curios from around the globe

nine inch nails: 'the fragile'- ('downward spiral' is just too active- the lyrical/musical angst is so thick that it is virtually impossible to concentrate on the book- 'the fragile' is more subtle... and longer)

led zeppelin: 'presence'- the manic slide work and drum pummelling in 'nobody's fault but mine' and 'achilles last stand' seem to go the same places as the book

and, of course, anything by tom waits... 'rain dogs' or 'frank's wild years' tend to be more like musical journeys through a heart of darkness trapped in a sideshow freak.
***

i ignored some really obvious stuff (although black sabbath is listed above and probably shouldn't be for exactly the same reasons)- there is no marilyn manson, no slayer, no rammstein, no pantera, no coal chamber, no leonard cohen, no ACDC, no motley crue, no type-0-negative, no alice in chains, no cradle of filth, no fear factory, no king diamond, no neil diamond, no johnny cash (ring of fire)... you know- just too obvious.
***
and then just when i thought i would never hear from the guy again, out of the pit itself comes dans_inferno himself with an observation about my list...

Cant' believe you didn't listen to Sympathy for the Devil or Pink Floyd.

no, i didn't listen to any floyd because i always listen to the floyd. in my office at the church here i have the green pyramid poster from darkside proudly displayed. if i were to listen to pink floyd whilst reading 'inferno', it would probably be the entire wish you were here album from beginning to end. i always found the hopelessness in the lyrics and the drowse of the title cut chilling in a way that was a little too familiar to my soul...

(eagles' hotel california plays out the same way with all that stabbing but not killing, checking out but never leaving stuff.)

the devil himself doesn't come around much in the book until canto XXXIV, where he is depicted as feasting upon traitors in the 9th circle. he seems to be portrayed more as a classical greek/roman demi-god... you know: hades, lord of the underworld, guardian of the grave? 'sympathy' always felt more like satan's rebel yell or resume than words from a warden...

i might even speculate that the devil in the stones' song is more biblical than the creature in dante.

mick jagger- theologian of the 20th century. R.I.P.

although dans_inferno found it laughable that i hadn't read 'inferno' until prompted by his blog, it really shouldn't be that surprising. bible school wasn't really about 13-14th century poetry.

i think that dante's work is more about quantifying the pain that people inflict upon each other, and then grading these things on a curve that appears to, yeah, spiral downward. although dante was hardly writing in the modern era, i found his stuff to be very categorical in that it takes the whole 'putting selfish needs and desires before all else' thing, speculating on which offences are more objectionable to God and then creatively making the punishment fit the crime in nature and severity.

but see, i'm not sure God is quite so ready to plot sinfulness on a continuum. i mean, what would be the point? all have sinned. Jesus died in our place. 'whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life...'

perish? sitting for all eternity in the spiritual cold going 'damn!'


well, whatever the case, dans_inferno is up and running with the devil... if you are interested in that sorta thing.

hells and confessions

dan said:
"Jolly Beggar, you might be interested in dans inferno's newly begun blog. It's dans search for hell...........dans inferno "
(www.dans-inferno-search.blogspot.com/ )

well, i went there, (dan's blog that is, not hell itself!) and the thing about newly begun blogs is that they are more interesting if you begin them with an initial post, buddy- anyway, i'm interested in where you go with it...

i bought copies of the three volumes of dante's divine comedy years ago, but i have yet to read them. they do look particularly impressive on my bookshelf, along with volumes of milton, kierkegaard, rand and others which i haven't read either, and a copy of 'portrait of the artist...' which i recently checked out of the library. i read bunyan's 'pilgrim's progress'- does that count? oh the masks we wear. someday i'll get around to them- until then i'll just ask questions of people who have.

does joyce actually quote dante in that bit that rhymes apologize with 'pull out his eyes' or is he just name-dropping in order to take us somewhere? marcy? dan? icarus?

well at any rate, an empty blog on hell seems about right. having, as i have already confessed, not read dante's piece (although being mildly curious as to why joyce makes reference to dante as if he were a contemporary of daedulus' uncle- spiritual, aesthetic, mentoring or otherwise) my understanding of hell is a bit more traditional. (well, it appears traditional until you consider that the bible was first translated into english in 1611 and dante was writing his divine comedy in italian around 1306-1321... but i think that these are just details. the authorship of the biblical texts on hell predates dante by a fair bit so whatever...)

do you ever have one of those days where everything you say is bogged down by subclauses and parentheses?

the biblical descriptions of hell are figurative. the stuff about fire and brimstone and all that is, in my opinion, meant to somehow describe what being eternally separated from God might be compared to in physical torment- dante's epic poem is probably a powerful exploration of what the ultimate spiritual void might 'feel' like as well. the fact that copies of inferno seem to greatly outsell copies of the other 2/3 of dante's trilogy suggests to me that humankind after the fall is still more interested in darkness than light- for some reason people are fickle and bored with the presence of God and turn earnestly in fancy to his absense.

i punched out something along these lines as the liner notes for an industrial cd that i recorded in 1998 called 'buffet taboo- if no one witnesses the crime'.

went something like this... (sorry for the caps- i just don't want to type it out again)

NOTES: HELLS AND CONFESSIONS

MANY CHOOSE A MORTAL PRELUDE TO HELL AND CALL IT LIFE- A LIFE OF ISOLATION, LONELINESS AND STUBBORN SELF-SUFFICIENCY WHICH REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY OF PERSONAL FAULT OR NEED. I IMAGINE THAT THERE ARE TWO MAIN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THIS TEMPORARY HELL AND THE PERMANENT ONE.

FIRST, A TEMPORARY HELL IS GOVERNED BY TIME AND, BECAUSE OF THAT PROPERTY OF TIME THAT CAUSES IT TO BE USED UP, IS ALWAYS TOO SHORT. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME LEFT TO THE DYING MAN TO ACTUALLY CHANGE THE COURSE OF HIS LIFE- JUST ENOUGH TO REGRET THE COURSE HIS LIFE HAS TAKEN. THERE IS NO TURNING BACK AND NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, BUT AT LEAST THEN IT IS OVER. THE SECOND HELL IS ALSO A SOLITARY ONE, BUT ONE WHICH EXISTS OUTSIDE OF TIME AND THEREFORE INFINITE- NO MORE OR LESS TORMENT, JUST AN ENDLESS SEPARATION FROM GOD WHICH WILL ALWAYS BE MORE THAN IS BEARABLE BECAUSE THE OPTION OF REPENTENCE IS NO LONGER OPEN.

THE SECOND MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO HELLS HAS TO DO WITH SIGHT. IN THE FIRST HELL, MAN TRIES TO CONTROL THE UNCONTROLLABLE, BEING BOTH TOO IGNORANT TO TRULY RECOGNIZE HIS FALLEN NATURE AND TOO STUBBORN TO ACCEPT HELP FROM EITHER GODS SON OR HIS PEOPLE. IN THE SECOND HELL, MAN IS ABLE TO SEE EXACTLY WHAT WAS NEEDED TO BE DONE, AND MUST EXIST FOREVERMORE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE CHOSE THIS ETERNITY. LIVING FOREVER IN HINDSIGHT; HAVING NOTHING TO FOCUS ON BUT FAILURE AND CONSEQUENCE; NO LONGER BEING BLIND- SIMPLY POWERLESS; EXISTING IN PERPETUAL REGRET- THIS IS THE STUFF THAT THE SECOND HELL IS MADE OF. THERE ARE NO BUSRIDES OR WEEKEND PASSES, JUST AN ETERNITY OF KNOWING WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE...

OR MAYBE, SEEING ALL AND HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SELF-LOVE AND SURRENDER, NOTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT. PERHAPS IT IS AS C.S. LEWIS SUGGESTED- ETERNITY BEGINS TODAY AND TODAY WE DWELL IN HELL OR IN PARADISE, DEPENDING ON WHO SITS ON THE THRONE OF OUR HEART. ONE CANNOT BOTH CLING TO THE EARTH AND REACH FOR THE SKY.

ONE THING IS SURE-
AFTER EVERY SIN,
NEW OR REMEMBERED,
ETERNITY IN PARADISE
BEGINS AGAIN
UPON MY CONFESSION.